freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others. (dictionary.com)
As we in the U.S. come to celebrate July 4th, independence day, I have been sitting with the word, Independence. Both in self and in community. In a time when things feel very out of control. I grieve. I fear. I look for the helpers, because there within is light. The divides feel greater and greater, and I don’t understand. In all the people I know, we are more alike than we are apart. I look to this. To move past the noise so I am not paralyzed into inaction.
Dear Rainmaker, there are discerning days. there are days of unknown melancholy. and then, there are days; days in which that clutching darkness dances around my wandering mind, and I question tomorrow’s dawn.
then I catch a brief smirk upon my lips when I remember the lilies of the field.
am I sitting with flowers? am I sitting with flowers, yet?
Fall into the coolness of the meadow my child. there is no grief and no madness, however great, that darkness can consume.
My strength and My peace shall surround you. My light shall fill you.
Dear Heart, I love you. lean on me, through the strength of those that surround you. you are loved, my beloved CKS
We can feel helpless. We can feel hopeless. Grieving in anger, frustration, and disappointment. We pause, we breathe, we hang on until hope and love reside next to us.
I share today a poem I wrote awhile ago, and it is within a greater story and resides in Rainmaker and Flower; pray on dirty knees, my first poetry book.
I share it because I return to this poem when I am in that well of darkness, and feel quite sad and overwhelmed. When my world is spinning and nothing gets accomplished.
Deadlines I have not met. Responsibilities not lived up too, and hope for forgiveness and more patience. When my emotions and mental capacity has weighted me down until I only hear the echo of “I am a loser. good for nothing.” and even less gets accomplished, and I hear less and less, and see less and less; and I want nothing more than to hide within myself.
I become paralyzed in fear. everything, even my art becomes suspect, and I am paralyzed; deciding maybe I should start over; abandoned all together.
Does your world ever appear in bleak darkness? Let us read it together, and know you are not alone. And there is no darkness that light cannot overcome, that fear cannot be comforted; that grief cannot feel kindness, that love cannot find.
It is okay not to be okay. My dear friends, I share my heart because this is what I do. I am with you. I am here in your disappointment, in your anger, frustration, grief. in joy, triumph, and happiness.
We are together, praying as we are; our dirty knees resting in the fields of the lilies.
Enjoy this 10 minute visual meditation:
paint much love, always, Connie Karleta Sales a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower