Posted on Leave a comment

in her soul, there is stillness

joyous praise,
stirs humming
weaving Light.

this light
a thing done,
we shield,
we run.

We rest Your effort;
awhile we practice.
in stillness we rise;
abundant,
a thing done.

living the movement
shed free I AM!
emergent — doing as being;

Activation-Synthesis
Theory of Dreams

CKS

Activation-synthesis theory is a neurobiological explanation for the genesis of dreams first proposed in the late 1970s by J. Allan Hobson and Robert McCarley. According to their theory, dreams are what result when the cerebral cortex attempts to make sense of (or synthesize) the neural activity that is taking place in lower, less-advanced portions of the brain, like the brain stem.

The lower-lying structures of the brain are primarily involved in biological functioning necessary for survival and reproduction, while the cerebral cortex is responsible for more advanced activity, such as thought development and processing. (from Lesson transcript, Chapter 4, Lesson 7, instructor Chris Clause, Activation-Synthesis Theory of Dreams: Definition & Explanation)

_______________________________________

This time of year the days grow longer, and within my spiritual practice, I enter Lent, a time when we bury the Hallelujah. In action, we do not sing or use this word in daily life.

Lent, on the Christian Liturgical calendar, are 40 days mirroring the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness, before he began his ministry. Hallelujah is a word of praise in moment come, and Lent, moment become-ing.

Over the years of moving through this liturgical calendar of practice, seasons have evolved for me. Lent, used to be suffering, denial in a very physical sense. I fasted. I gave up physical things like chocolate. Things which made me feel apart of even though I really didn’t have much of a clue. But I did feel present with. while simultaneously still wrapping myself in the comforts of my fears; extreme shyness as a means of survival.

More and more my heart moves into stepping back and really asking, does this help me draw closer in relationship? to the God of my understanding, allowing the Light of Christ to move through me. Drawing me into physical relationship with you. people. Earth. Community. What does that look like?

I ask, where am I still piling over, creating false shyness? not allowing the stir humming; the doing being?

______________________________

Today, on the eve of the next 40 days, I know where I run. I shield the desires of my heart within old tapes telling me i can’t. in very loud shapes and forms.

These voices sing into me; they pound with fists made of belts, telling me the how of being in relationship, is vain and narcissistic. I stand still in the wilderness of the between; unable to leave my hearts desire, simultaneously burying it in playing dumb and incapable and quiet.

________________________

This year, I am called to practice. I am called to give up this imposed stillness. My basic needs of survival are met today. I actively ask for help and do what I am able to meet my needs. My higher functioning is still working that out. to trust; myself and you.

I am responsible to you. I am again naked before you. letting go more of that onion as the saying goes. My go to answer is stating my desire and then negating it with “i don’t know what that looks like. . . “

I do know. My work in art and poetry is life living and sharing; struggling strong; flawed and imperfectly perfect.

Art and poetry befriended me as a little girl, and kept that stir humming inside my heart, and I lived. Today, I live well. I want you to have that kind of friendship too. In relationship within the creative process.

This year, I walk with my very old friend; rest belts of old tapes. thank you for your service. thank you for having tea with me. I know you helped me get to today. You helped me grow roots. Lets grow deeper in our dreams.

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

*feature image – in her soul there is stillness within the hours,
digital drawing, 4″ x 4″ ink, paper on wood, available

Posted on 7 Comments

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Shine on you crazy diamond.
Pink Floyd

____________________________________________________________

Love is truly a verb
headed to dk Gallery, Marietta, GA
12th Annual Nude and Figure Show
Opens – Friday, February 7, 2020 at 5 PM – 9 PM

4 x 6 in. on 8 x 10 in. paper
Love holds you into the forever
16 x 20 in. on paper
4 x 6 in. on 8 x 10 in. paper
Sun at water’s edge
28 x 20 in. on paper
4 x 6 in. on 8 x 10 in. paper
The Bathers
28 x 20 in. on paper

Posted on Leave a comment

She Walks, Dreaming in Love

These drawings, such an important part of dreaming forward.
Series, She Walks, Dreaming in Love

Often, when I dream, I am walking; dancing in the meadows in the fields, with sunflowers and lilies, most often. Recently, when I dream, I have full use of my hands and am a carpenter.

These dreams are so vivid, I sometimes wake up disoriented as my actual reality of limited use of my arms and hands, and no use of my legs abruptly makes itself aware.

Walking dreams, and dancing, began since i first became severely ill in 2015, and was initialized paralyzed with this disease. I learned this is very normal within paralysis community.

At first, I would cry, be confused, frustrated. Deep sighs of despair as I lie there in bed. I found it backwards. Dreaming was real, and waking was the nightmare.

To be honest, it was the measure of the stress and unknown at the time. Our world, mine and my family’s world was shaken. I was alive, and making progress in physical and occupational therapy. I was hopeful, and I needed cheerleaders to help me in this.

There were so many unknowns. How do you digest hearing “if your alive in 5 years, most likely will be blind and wheelchair bound.” then move into “well, we don’t know, and we don’t have the ability to help you.”

Feeling very alone in moments like these:

2016, Idaho. I am struggling in Occupational therapy. My therapist does a few evaluation tests on my arms/hands and finds my strength and grip strength has decreased.

She sends her recommendations to my primary care physician, who then sends it on to the neurologist. I am now sitting in the neurologists office with my sister in law at my side.

He says “The rehabilitation hospital does that.”

I say, apparently not because my occupational therapist sent it to my primary who sent it to you because she said you do it.”

“No, they do it.”

The OT’s recommendations and concerns went into what I call the Bermuda triangle of passing the buck into never-land of no action.

Now, look at this:

2017, North Carolina. I have been in physical therapy for a little while, mainly learning wheelchair skills, and learning to use the electronic stimulation device on the various muscle groups to help them fire and in turn help with muscle tone etc. Then things turned from these skills to re-evaluations, and then trunk control, and then the day came when my PT compassionately said that he ethically could not continue because PT was doing more harm than good. My body was clearly struggling and he was calling my doctor.

He scheduled me for two more visits; one to finish the final muscle groups with the EMS machine, and the second to teach my family how to help assist me in transferring from place to place.

That first last appointment came. My husband was with me, and I was not well. My PT just immediately taught my husband full assist transferring and even practiced it with our car. and told my husband, I am immediately calling her doctors.

Yes, and that is how 2017 began as I know it today. Only this time, doctors, nurses, home health, speech therapist, PT, OT, medical social worker; they all came on board,

and no one shrugged their shoulders and left us alone.

My family and I were hugged, were cared for, were taught, were provided for. We were provided with the physical, mental, and emotional tools to grieve, to be, to learn, to practice, and to become.

Now, I am a fighter, I am a glass-full kind of girl. Even in Idaho I found those moments. My PT’s and OT’s were amazing. I love them today, and hope I get to talk to them again. It is with that help, that love.

If you want to hear about one of those moments you can listen here:
https://soundcloud.com/radioboise/stray-theatre-december-24-2017-story-story-nights-dazed-and-confused-rocked-and-rolling-stories

So, what does it mean when I say, She Walks, dreaming in love?

Today, I enjoy those walking dreams. They are magical. I wake up in a smile and not tears. My limitations are everything and nothing simultaneously.

It is not easy. Don’t get me wrong – There is nothing about this that is easy. For my family, and for myself.

Life does continue. It does ease as we move through and adapt. Little by little equipment and routine happen.

We get to practice patience, and delayed gratification.

We get to greet the sun, and say hello to the moon. We get to walkabout in love, no matter what it looks like. My wheelchair walks for me, my computer talks for me. How cool is that.

and I am never out of reality, I am always dancing in the fields with the sunflowers and lilies; with dandelions wisping through my hair, caressing my cheeks.

These are what these drawings are. They are the dance of love, the dance of choice, and power. They are the dance of grief, the dance of the unknown.

They are my dreams. They are the simultaneous illness and life of my body.

They are the moments of never being alone.

They are the dance of dignity; created with all the limitations of this body. braces and Velcro, pillows and positioning belts, whatever it takes to dance.

She Walks, Dreaming in Love VI, 30 x 22 inch, paper, ink, graphite on paper, 2018
She Walks, Dreaming in Love II, 30 x 22 inch, paper, ink, graphite on paper, 2018
She Walks, Dreaming in Love I, 30 x 22 inch, paper, ink, graphite on paper, 2018

available through dk Gallery

Paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

Don’t miss a thing!
Art – Poetry – Life
in your inbox