Posted on Leave a comment

Stand where you are

for you have much richness
deep in the you; you are
;
even if it means lying down.

in rest there is life;
cool comfort,
joy in our stillness-es.

in our suffering
in our loss-es,
we reach into our each.

in our worn-ess,
in our despondency-s,
we are rich in offering
.

in our arms,
allowing the intimacy
of others into our lives;

we are rich.
you; are rich
in the all of y/ou/r illness-es,

we reach into the each;
and have much to offer;
humanity’s necessity;

stand where you are
even in lying down.

CKS

Definitely winding down; I am less than two weeks away from my next Rituxan Infusion. This time, I am looking forward to it. I wish it were yesterday.

This past six months has been the best six months in two years. Overall, I might be fatigued and worn down, but I am still able to get up in my chair, still able to do things that I otherwise would not be able to do for myself before.

I also am present. I am not trying to do more, not trying to push through, not trying to be better than I am. I am right where I am and that is where I shall remain for today.

I am using a new eye gaze set up, and that makes all the difference in my life. You have no idea how much energy conservation it provides me.

Drawing more by holding the pen in my mouth. lol, that is somethin’; try it sometime. It is fun, and a lot harder than it looks. Actually, I am not very good at it. My face muscles have a hard time keeping it in my mouth. But, it gives my arms a bit of rest. And, its fun, and makes me giggle.

My pen held in place by Velcro, it can’t fall out of my hand, so, a floppier wrist is not much of a bother, its my triceps, my major movement that gets slowed, heavy, and hard.

And, so I stand where I am, lying down, binge watching much tvany suggestions? – resting in the melody of this life, and enjoying it. At this point I would normally be frustrated and developing more depression and sadness.

And I am not. I am not depressed. I am not sad.

I am joyful. I am happy. I am excited about things to come. Things that are happening; new and continuing. I am happy in feeling more present in the lives of my loved ones.

Where are you standing today? What does your present look like? Mine looks like this, and I imagine it is wrapped in a lovely pink bow!

You are enough, and have so much to give to a world that needs the you, you are. My hope is to be a part of changing the conversation around being sick, and how we treat people who are ill, suffering, and dying. How we treat people.

Each time we act with pity, we take away a person’s power. Each time we dismiss someone because of their suffering-s, we take away their power.

Each time we act in amazement at an accomplishment; despite of; we take power. Each time we discount illness and suffering because of amazement in accomplishment; We set apart rather than bring together.

Too often we treat, and act as though a person must overcome, defy, get well, in order to have worth. We take power away.

All these are wonderful things. overcoming, defying, all this is not in and of itself a problem. But why isn’t living with and alongside of provided for, cared for and caressed?

In the heart of it, that is what happens in order to get to remission of an illness, the easement of a grief. and then there is living when remission and easement is not possible.

I am not not trying to live, I am not trying to be well. I am Connie, living with a rare disease, a future unknown, but its unknown for everyone, because we are not there yet.

I love this life, standing where I am.

please share today, and invite others.

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

Don’t miss a thing!
Art ~ Poetry ~ Life
in your inbox

Posted on Leave a comment

afternoon in the Telling Place of her studio

To grok in Your being
I unleash in slenders
and leap in-subversive;
substance of my body.

Underwinter,
you follow my
displacement and supplant the
nearness of my come after.

unsubstantial frailties
of my countenance,

hear our prayer.

CKS

paint much love always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a,k,a. This Crooked Little Flower


Posted on 6 Comments

i am in love.

with the wind
of steely gray charcoal;
grit and truth.

life of the upside

rolling down hills of my Spring.

I am in love.
I am in love.
love feel Spring am I.

where are you
within your Spring?
CKS

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower


Posted on

Sketching Breath

Sketching Breath Connie Karleta Sales

Slight wind
leaves are turning, why?
A smile is a blessing to a
loose heart
losing heart.


Colorless soft silence;
Feels as though my chest is caving in.

Gravity hit me.

light harmony
tinker of notes
have nothing
have it all.

love

pain;
transient in
her harmony;

tinkers
notes about everything.

CKS

Sketching Breath, digital drawing, 11 x 8 1/2 in (27.94 x 21.59 cm)
from series in progress, and so I shall be, reflections with Jeremiah,


A single poem; Three poems; dance in the togetherness of love.
My Father , Son, Holy Ghost.

Light of my Christ, Light of universal light; beyond the self of my body. Of Buddha, of you; of other; of we. Daily.

How do you read the words above? Does it change in a day, each hour? This is how my life lives forward. A dance of the flow, of moment unknown; of smiles and tears, miles and rest.

Breath

I lose heart, and I loose my heart. Never a static beat. I breathe in and breathe out. I move and I rest. Does it matter where I go? Does it matter who I am?

I have been drawing next to Jeremiah again. I just love him and all that he is and is not. “Heal me and I shall be healed.” he says. “Save me and I shall be saved.” “for You are my praise.”

That Love within you, the You within you; that dances in the good and the hard. The Buddha’s Breath “. . . and I shall be. . . “

Is it enough? to know I am safe; safe to be who I am.

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little flower

Posted on

Slender Wisp

Billowy slenders wisp toward the sun;
fingerlings of sky, teach me;

of my frosted thoughts
notions of vision-dreamer unattained;

frustration’s mark,
cold and dark
am I.

Winter slenders,
depth filled strength
flexing in whisper’s breath;
tickling the sun,
filtering through frozen mist;
living, you are.

Teach me,
in the marrow of your alive,
resting in your stillness
my exhaustions caressed;
revived into the gasping
waters; soaking me whole.

CKS

Slender Wisp, digital drawing, 10 x 8 in (22.86 x 17.78cm)


This week I expended a lot of mental and emotional energies. I did call to ensure the right bags were shipped, and no, they were not. In fact, I was told there was no record of my call. I was questioned whether I really spoke to a supervisor.

She repeats that there is not proper documentation, and without a doctor’s prescription, they will not send the bags. I volley back asking where did it go? The company you bought out had it, your company assured Blue Ridge all the information transfers. What happened?


I can’t speak to that ma’am
You need a doctors orders for the flush bags.


I state clearly my intention to have Blue Ridge, (which Lin Care now owns) brings bags, and will not be charged. This is not my fault as you are implying. Without the right supplies, I am at risk to be hospitalized, and I will not risk my life. Without proper nutrition and hydration, I will become at the least weak and ill, and at worst, I will die. I have been using the bags with flush for a year now.

At this point, I am tired. my voice is getting weaker, and she is having some trouble understanding me. After all is said and done, my husband called the doctor. Over the course of a couple of days the prescription was faxed multiple times. Lin Care stated to my doctor’s office it can take up to 48 hours to receive the fax. I will call again, giving them their stated time, to ensure it was received. When I am better rested I will write a formal complaint. I am filing not just with the company, also the BBB, and my states Attorney General. We will call everyday until it is resolved if we have too.


In word and image is how I reset. I empty my soul until I feel the warmth of love and safety once again. I called out for help, and the winter-slender trees passing through the sunlight answered.

Stress is a trigger for disease. It exacerbates exhaustion and fatigue. Couple it with the cold/infection I have been battling for over a month now, and I am spent. I am mentally and physically tired. I am okay though.

I have support. I have practice and skills within my own self too. My quality of life is profound. Yes, I can get lost in moments of sheer “cabin-feverness”. The I want out, now! Not another moment! I am done!


This is normal. Who doesn’t. I get to look around at my loved ones. I get to pause, and see beauty. Seeing the human on the other end of the phone line; she is following her job. She has bills to pay; she is beautiful. The situation is not beautiful; she did not invent it; she is in the middle of it just like me.

My family and friends are in the middle of it, just like me. We all have are experiences that exhaust us. Life never promises easy. What I know is life is no less beautiful, and I get to decide how I see. I get to experience and acknowledge a situation for what it is. unacceptably ugly.

I also get to decided how I respond. And that is a most wonderous choice no one can take away. I choose both honesty and happyness.

paint much love always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower


Are you subscribed to Crooked Little Flower? If not, please join us!

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

and, please don’t forget share. My work is meant to be shared. Thank you so much! CKS


Posted on

Humor and Beauty

The self I make is indeed
steadfast and intractable.

Laughing myself elastic,
I am elastic resilience;
a magnificent voltaic buoyancy
learning love anew.

The self I make is indeed
resolute and unmanageable.

Dreaming myself silly,
I am jester juggler;
a clown inside out
learning freedom with you.
CKS

from I pray on dirty knees

learning to laugh
freedom in smiling
thanksgiving in the grief


paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

Posted on

Letting Go Before We Say Goodbye

Holy Spirit, my lover, Come,
Get dirty with me!

Dig into me deep!
Cut away my destructions!

Holy Spirit, my lover, Come,
Get dirty with me!

Let us scratch the dirt with our fingers
And watch the edible beauty rise!

Holy Spirit, my lover, Come,
Get dirty with me!

With my heart’s sustenance, let me give
The energy of a genuine smile.
CKS


paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower


Letting Go Before We Say Goodbye, 42" x 31", ink, graphite, charcoal, paper
Letting Go Before We Say Goodbye, 42″ x 31″, ink, graphite, charcoal, paper

*for availability; dk Gallery – visit Here


*Series – Rainmaker and the Flower

Posted on

I Pray on Dirty Knees

Is it not simply Love’s Vow,
to withstand all light, and
all dark without fear?

Oh, she survives.
By the skin of her teeth;
She survives;
loneliness, isolation, and shame.

Her Love’s Vow;
a single promise and
fulfillment of
complete absence and
complete convergence.

Who is she to judge where she stands?
Who are they who stand where she seeks?

Oh, she survives.
By the skin of her teeth;
She survives;
because her path is illuminated
by willingness.

She stands blind and just keeps on walking.
CKS

from The Rainmaker and the Flower

naked prayer
dirty knees
mixed media on paper


paint much love, always, 
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

Posted on

She dreamed of simple things in color-graphite lines of charcoal

she battled on
for she dreamed
of the simple things

the simple things
sweet-pie cookies
of dreams, she battled on

she battled on
and on she roared
dreams of simple

the clothes she whore
CKS


Violence comes in many forms both physical and emotional. It is inherently corrosive in nature. Far too many individuals walk through life in darkness; feeling isolated and shamed by the struggles and secrets of their experiences.

brave-house-2-connie-karleta-sales-feature-image
Installation View, Brave House Secrets (detail #1), Track 13, Nampa, Idaho 2014

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower


*she dreamed of simple things, 65″ x 48″, pigment, ink, graphite, paper, ©CKS, 2013-14