Crooked Little Flower Studios

Reach into the desires
of her heart and inhale;
build into action.

She, becoming;
watching her own suffering
being in the gift of an animated life.
CKS

Living with NMO is a life of ups and downs. It is a life of unknowns day to day.

What is fatigue and exhaustion in chronic illness. It does not get better with sleep or rest. It is constant and can feel hopeless. It is destressing and anxiety producing.

My limbs feel heavy like lead. My mind feels like a boggy fog of thick soup wading against a current. It is frustrating.

Sometimes i cry. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I tune out and am just numb because what else can I do but dissociate. I dissociated as a kid going through what I went through and now I find it helpful when all feels too much.

So where does that leave us with today’s painting. She is exhausted by her circumstances, and she seeks simultaneously. Her head still upright while her body reclines in its heaviness. she wanders through the thick fog, looking at you, looking at the outside and wondering if she or how she can be apart of it without sacrifices her being.

Her body is compromised. Her immune system does not operate at full capacity. She risks illness being out and about. So, she is at home. planning for a future within the walls of her home. and more over, the walls of her bedroom.

She still looks out with hope. She prefers to experience the world with her cup full rather than empty. I don’t know why, but that is her native nature. is it rose colored glasses? She doesn’t think so. and if it is so be it. She still lingers and knows the realities of her situation. It is not pure sunshine, and that is okay. okay-ness is just that, okay.

Currently I am grappling with the fatigue I feel. I sleep a lot, I simple lay down a lot. mostly in bed these days. and looking at the ways I can stay connected. I am thankful for social media this way. I know social media can be a horrendous place and can lead to various negative feelings and outcomes.

For me, I am thankful it is here. So is the Solace Seeker in the painting. She is thankful too. I can connect and stay connected to people right from my bed. Honestly I know this is where I will be for the foreseeable future. I cannot risk illness like the 2 pneumonias I had in November. I still am not fully recovered. My lungs took a hit. My body took a hit.

In the coming year, I am looking at how I can connect more, what can I do from my bedside in such a way not to wear myself out.

I am restarting my YouTube journey. there is a newer platform called WhatNot. It is a live selling platform, but i am seeing people using as a hangout. You can either live sell or you can have buy it now items and then just go live to connect with people.

I have a pretty good regular tripod, and I just got a simple and economical (cheap lol) tripod that has a long arm to be able to film from overhead. If you have any ideas, tips, tricks for things of this nature I would love to hear about them.

How do you stretch? Do you stretch? physically and emotionally? How does it effect your daily living? I hope you enjoy this Solace Seeker today.

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower