God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night. Rainer Maria Rilke

I love this quote, these words, they are so silky and comforting. They enable the pause. the quiet; entering the void, sinking into the thin places in life. One practice I have is called Lectio Divina.

It is a form of meditative prayer upon words. You start out in the big picture and then narrow down to a word or a few words, and sit with them without judgement. then you enter the big picture again and sit there for however long you need. Then if you wish, write about your journey. I find that even though this practice is based in Christianity, it can easily be adapted to what you need.

I also adapt this to my illness and my body. I came across this in a book by Mary C. Earle called “Broken Body, Healing Spirit: Lectio Divina. She shows us how to adapt and use Lection Divina with our illnesses.

It helps me cope and enter acceptance. It helps with pain control. It helps with the anxiety of being ill. My body becomes color and melting words. Like the warmth of warm wax on your fingers. Feeling encompassed in the dark times; feeling the knowing of light soon to come.

Everything changes. The only constant is change. Same goes for my body. NMO is unpredictable. The damage it has done, symptoms worsen when I am tired, or heat and humidity, or extreme cold. My nerve pain heightens just taking a shower. I live knowing that I don’t know when/if the next attack with be big, small, in between?

I still ponder what I would do if my diaphragm went completely out to the point I needed invasive ventilation. A trach is expensive. Given what I would need, I could live full with a trach, many people do. I also think from the expense burden it would place on my family. Would it be better to let go, and enter the door to my next adventure. But I know my husband is not ready for that. I am not ready for that. So, it leaves me in flex, and I must enter the void in order to practice and with art, because it helps me live in present moment. To choose each moment. To get back to the moment when I am off on a tangent.

this painting, Mostly digital, but with a tiny bit of pastel. Her name is “Sun of My Soul”. She is walking out of the darkness. Pain drips off her like rain. Her eyes forward with intent. Locked onto the Sun, the light, the hope, the peace.

I hope you enjoy her. She is a peace reminder. She is the pause I take daily. She is the sun of my soul.

Paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower