sensations of ambition
cherishing of thoughts
ideas of images
around my head
shouldering me forward
with visions unsaid
indulge in such seas
wade soft in these waters
hope and aspire
fantasy within reality
as sleepy as my eyes become
as heavy as my limbs persist
moody paints my story
unconscious with emotions
I dream.
CKS
This year is the year of dreams. the good, the bad, and the down right ugly. I consider this a sub-series of Stories Within Her, an ongoing series which really if I think about it is my entire art making history. lol.
I dream a lot. Some dreams are goals and desires. Some dreams are nightmares. They all are an important part of this journey called life and I choose not to regret any of my life. a simple choice that is not easy and not constant. It involves allowing joy and grief to walk side by side. allowing life happenings the things you desire and things you don’t to happen simultaneously and work to allow them to move through your body and safely reside somewhere else. I pray a lot to God. It is the God of my understanding and choosing, so you might hear more weaving this year between my reliance between Buddhism and Christianity. Please do not take it as some sort of evangelism. We all have our own journeys and this is mine.
This years blog will be about sharing this daily walk with dreaming and the art that evolves and teaches me in the process of living. That has always been the core of my work. Starting when I was really little and didn’t even know it was art or poetry. They were just letters I would write to myself. There were 4 characters. Me, Myself, I, and Connie.
Me was angry and quite destructive and harsh and judgmental. Simultaneously she was quite motivating. And helped us to keep going as we got mad in her words enough to act. Myself was silent, curled up in a ball in the closet hiding, and we all protected her fiercely. I was also silent in voice but not written word and was like a time keeper and mediator between Me and Connie. Connie was Connie and this outward shell who had voice, action, written abilities, and kept the outside world at bay and functioned as this facade and took a lot of crap. Tried to be the smile, the nice and good girl out in public as her parents wanted her to be. Simultaneously trying to be the good girl but always seeming to be “bad” at home and she thought deeply about her life. She felt deeply in secret but outwardly she did not cry or show emotion.
She was very stoic outwardly. It was when she was alone that she broke down became the vulnerable child she really was. She always felt older than her age. She got along more with adults than children her own age. She didn’t truly understand what play was, what being a child was about. She didn’t know boundaries. She didn’t take regular baths or brush her teeth regularly. These things were not taught and instilled in her. She learned them as a young adult in college, watching the girls in her dorm carry there caddys full of shampoos and such to the bathroom and she saw them twice a day standing at the sinks and wondered what are they doing? They were washing their faces and brushing their teeth. Why? oh! I am suppose to be doing this. She imitated people, in action, words, etc in order to learn even a little how to operate in the world she was suppose to be in. She didn’t feel a part of it at all. It was not easy. She struggled so much. And for years her world really fell apart because she wanted so badly to be in this world she was witness to and had no idea how to do it effectively.
I share this little bit in order to set the stage. This year is not about apologizing or prejudging myself by saying things like “if that makes any sense.” If you hear terms like this I encourage you to help me be accountable. And I am thankful ahead of time.
Today I am starting with the poem that started it all, and the three figures I call the three graces. In Greek Mythology the three graces were described as each being able to bestow a particular gift on humanity. Things like Beauty, joy, merriment, festivity, dance, song. . . there are many legends of the graces one states brightness, joyfulness, and bloom.
I don’t know much about the graces in depth at all. and I am not taking a deep dive either. I am already caught by the words describing the gifts. And where I went in my contemplative prayers and meditations with these words are about the realness of life. It is about the journey. The gift is not about sunshine where sunshine is not. It is about both dark and light. In my darkness, I find the light, through allowing the darkness to be itself. To be true to itself and not pushing it away, stuffing it down. All the things that our society sometimes tells us we need to do and be this overly positive person all the time.
No the gift of brightness, joy, dance, and song for me comes from living in the raw state I reside in 24/7. Is it overshare? I don’t know but it is the only thing I know and it is the only way I feel really connected to this world. and how and why I love to be with you out there sharing together in the world. It motivates me. It encourages me, It gives me the kick in the pants I need at the times I need it.
And it comes down to dreaming all the dreams I dream on a daily basis. So I hope you come along for the ride this year. The art of life through dreams. See where it takes us and what can happen when we let it happen and just let it all hang out.
I don’t know if I need trigger warnings sometimes? I am still working on what needs a warning and what doesn’t. I apologize if I miss something like that it is not intentional.
These three graces are headed to dk Gallery. I will write more about them individually as time goes on. For now, an introduction to what I am focused on this year. I will make art in all the ways I can. through my eyes, through my mouth, strapping brushes to my hands, finger painting, whatever I have to use to throw paint on the paper, that is what I am going to do. I am exciting to see how many ways my body can get paint to paper. If you have any ideas, feel free to throw them my way.
I call them my three graces dreaming I, II, and III. or alternatively call them Me, Myself, and I. Connie is the entirety of our life. We enjoy watching them grow and evolve. They are the doorway. Maybe they will be some sort of doorway for you too? or you will find or have your own doorway to go through. I love you. If you are around the Marietta/Atlanta area I hope you go by and visit them. and you can see the other works I have there in the gallery. There are some other pieces related to dreaming. About the dreams I sometimes have about walking. They are so real I wake up thinking I can walk. lol.
Well, for today, this is enough. until next time,
paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower
