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Song of Absorption

No blanket quiets
the fire in her belly —
faith unknown is she.

CKS

Brave — Haiku This
Originally published in Haiku Hub

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

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Life in Haiku

life spent in the shade
loud cries rip bright my redness
— I damage undone.

CKS

*originally published in Haiku Hub

*feature image – Heal Me Open, breathe me color, 19″ x 13″, digital painting on paper, unframed, $250.00

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in her soul, there is stillness

joyous praise,
stirs humming
weaving Light.

this light
a thing done,
we shield,
we run.

We rest Your effort;
awhile we practice.
in stillness we rise;
abundant,
a thing done.

living the movement
shed free I AM!
emergent — doing as being;

Activation-Synthesis
Theory of Dreams

CKS

Activation-synthesis theory is a neurobiological explanation for the genesis of dreams first proposed in the late 1970s by J. Allan Hobson and Robert McCarley. According to their theory, dreams are what result when the cerebral cortex attempts to make sense of (or synthesize) the neural activity that is taking place in lower, less-advanced portions of the brain, like the brain stem.

The lower-lying structures of the brain are primarily involved in biological functioning necessary for survival and reproduction, while the cerebral cortex is responsible for more advanced activity, such as thought development and processing. (from Lesson transcript, Chapter 4, Lesson 7, instructor Chris Clause, Activation-Synthesis Theory of Dreams: Definition & Explanation)

_______________________________________

This time of year the days grow longer, and within my spiritual practice, I enter Lent, a time when we bury the Hallelujah. In action, we do not sing or use this word in daily life.

Lent, on the Christian Liturgical calendar, are 40 days mirroring the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness, before he began his ministry. Hallelujah is a word of praise in moment come, and Lent, moment become-ing.

Over the years of moving through this liturgical calendar of practice, seasons have evolved for me. Lent, used to be suffering, denial in a very physical sense. I fasted. I gave up physical things like chocolate. Things which made me feel apart of even though I really didn’t have much of a clue. But I did feel present with. while simultaneously still wrapping myself in the comforts of my fears; extreme shyness as a means of survival.

More and more my heart moves into stepping back and really asking, does this help me draw closer in relationship? to the God of my understanding, allowing the Light of Christ to move through me. Drawing me into physical relationship with you. people. Earth. Community. What does that look like?

I ask, where am I still piling over, creating false shyness? not allowing the stir humming; the doing being?

______________________________

Today, on the eve of the next 40 days, I know where I run. I shield the desires of my heart within old tapes telling me i can’t. in very loud shapes and forms.

These voices sing into me; they pound with fists made of belts, telling me the how of being in relationship, is vain and narcissistic. I stand still in the wilderness of the between; unable to leave my hearts desire, simultaneously burying it in playing dumb and incapable and quiet.

________________________

This year, I am called to practice. I am called to give up this imposed stillness. My basic needs of survival are met today. I actively ask for help and do what I am able to meet my needs. My higher functioning is still working that out. to trust; myself and you.

I am responsible to you. I am again naked before you. letting go more of that onion as the saying goes. My go to answer is stating my desire and then negating it with “i don’t know what that looks like. . . “

I do know. My work in art and poetry is life living and sharing; struggling strong; flawed and imperfectly perfect.

Art and poetry befriended me as a little girl, and kept that stir humming inside my heart, and I lived. Today, I live well. I want you to have that kind of friendship too. In relationship within the creative process.

This year, I walk with my very old friend; rest belts of old tapes. thank you for your service. thank you for having tea with me. I know you helped me get to today. You helped me grow roots. Lets grow deeper in our dreams.

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

*feature image – in her soul there is stillness within the hours,
digital drawing, 4″ x 4″ ink, paper on wood, available

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gaze between us

Thunder and Light

Air stillness inhales
eyes of the entrapped cosmos
— before breath held just

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

Originally published in Haiku This!

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Stand where you are

for you have much richness
deep in the you; you are
;
even if it means lying down.

in rest there is life;
cool comfort,
joy in our stillness-es.

in our suffering
in our loss-es,
we reach into our each.

in our worn-ess,
in our despondency-s,
we are rich in offering
.

in our arms,
allowing the intimacy
of others into our lives;

we are rich.
you; are rich
in the all of y/ou/r illness-es,

we reach into the each;
and have much to offer;
humanity’s necessity;

stand where you are
even in lying down.

CKS

Definitely winding down; I am less than two weeks away from my next Rituxan Infusion. This time, I am looking forward to it. I wish it were yesterday.

This past six months has been the best six months in two years. Overall, I might be fatigued and worn down, but I am still able to get up in my chair, still able to do things that I otherwise would not be able to do for myself before.

I also am present. I am not trying to do more, not trying to push through, not trying to be better than I am. I am right where I am and that is where I shall remain for today.

I am using a new eye gaze set up, and that makes all the difference in my life. You have no idea how much energy conservation it provides me.

Drawing more by holding the pen in my mouth. lol, that is somethin’; try it sometime. It is fun, and a lot harder than it looks. Actually, I am not very good at it. My face muscles have a hard time keeping it in my mouth. But, it gives my arms a bit of rest. And, its fun, and makes me giggle.

My pen held in place by Velcro, it can’t fall out of my hand, so, a floppier wrist is not much of a bother, its my triceps, my major movement that gets slowed, heavy, and hard.

And, so I stand where I am, lying down, binge watching much tvany suggestions? – resting in the melody of this life, and enjoying it. At this point I would normally be frustrated and developing more depression and sadness.

And I am not. I am not depressed. I am not sad.

I am joyful. I am happy. I am excited about things to come. Things that are happening; new and continuing. I am happy in feeling more present in the lives of my loved ones.

Where are you standing today? What does your present look like? Mine looks like this, and I imagine it is wrapped in a lovely pink bow!

You are enough, and have so much to give to a world that needs the you, you are. My hope is to be a part of changing the conversation around being sick, and how we treat people who are ill, suffering, and dying. How we treat people.

Each time we act with pity, we take away a person’s power. Each time we dismiss someone because of their suffering-s, we take away their power.

Each time we act in amazement at an accomplishment; despite of; we take power. Each time we discount illness and suffering because of amazement in accomplishment; We set apart rather than bring together.

Too often we treat, and act as though a person must overcome, defy, get well, in order to have worth. We take power away.

All these are wonderful things. overcoming, defying, all this is not in and of itself a problem. But why isn’t living with and alongside of provided for, cared for and caressed?

In the heart of it, that is what happens in order to get to remission of an illness, the easement of a grief. and then there is living when remission and easement is not possible.

I am not not trying to live, I am not trying to be well. I am Connie, living with a rare disease, a future unknown, but its unknown for everyone, because we are not there yet.

I love this life, standing where I am.

please share today, and invite others.

paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower

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