single breath,
divine sense of
a moment;
being.
Feeling her in
arms so warm;
exhale.
into her ecstasies we
remain God-shelled
and life arisen.
CKS
Bedside Sketchbook self portrait, digital gesture pencil drawing
Allowing the Creative to speak for herself. Feeling the need to place the breath, the exhale, the pause into the universe; accountability and sharing. It is safe to be who you are. It is safe to be who I am.
I am excited (i say that a lot) ha ha. Truly i am excited to embark on a self care journey this year.
I am thankful to receive a TSF Cares & Shares Wellness Grant 2024 from The Sumaira Foundation, who is “dedicated to generating global awareness of NMOSD* and MOGAD*, building communities of support for patients and their caregivers, supporting research and patient advocacy.” (www.sumairafoundation.org)
For a long while even before Hurricane Helene, i could no longer afford going to acupuncture, and it is so helpful in pain relief and relaxing my body. It is an invaluable tool i lost. So, i will get to begin sessions again.
Also, i use meditation, prayer, and mindfulness as another tool in my tool belt helping to balance body, mind, and soul. i am looking at a few online retreats to learn, grow, and practice.
This past year i have really struggled. Depression got the better of me and i was not taking care of myself as i once did.
My start was applying for the grant in the first place. I am notorious for beginning some sort of application and not following through, convinced i have no chance in the first place.
Old tapes telling me how selfish i am to apply for something and who do i think i am to have enough worth to even apply.
Well, i applied. I did not allow myself to think and hit send. To my surprise and excitement my application was approved.
I am using this not just for the financial aid aspect but as a means of accountability. there are things i believe will help me find worth and purpose again like building a routine.
I am bed bound a lot. I got myself into this spiral of not being able to keep up with simple adl’s. And my days were lost in pain and exhaustion.
I am using this time as a marker to build a regular routine. Allow myself freedom to see what kind of routine it will become.
Attitude alone helps with general wellbeing. I have floated for a while making attempts but really struggling. struggling with grief of my body and its decline. Many frustrations. I lost purpose. I kept up with the adage fake it til you make it. Which i see as a means to simple do the next right thing.
I am taking you all with me. Also an accountability strategy.
I am taking from a friend of mine to put your goals up in front of you. So, i am. Printing out goals and placing them where i can see them.
I am going back to a very old coping skill. taping a positive affirmation to the bathroom mirror.
We were displaced from Hurricane Helene. Stayed in Dallas at a family’s house. I got very ill with 2 pneumonias a blood clot and an uti.
My health became a factor of not being able to travel.
My father passed away.
My parents were not nice people growing up. They were very abusive.
In this time of working through estate things etc. my mom having Alzheimer’s.
I am having horrible nightmares once again. I haven’t had them in years. I relive abuse in my sleep. I wake my hubby because i am screaming.
My anxiety increased tenfold. Family, Healthcare, Hurricane cleanup etc.
This is a marker for me to develop self care routines again. Show myself worth, compassion, and confidence.
To reduce physical, emotional, spiritual pain, which impacts my health and acceptance and remain in the present, exponentially.
Thank you for helping me and allowing me to share with you. Let’s see where we go!
paint much love, always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower