Hush
Gag
Stillness
Burning
Like needles on fire
Stabbed into my skin.
Shush
Muzzle
Censor
Stiffness
Sudden strong pulls
From muscles
Convulsing and contracting
Into knots of tears and fear.
Life
Can
Be
Unbearable
But use your inside voice
The old messages tell me
Hush
Sew your lips shut
And be done with it.
CKS
Work in progress
Working to illustrate pain and the unknowns if this disease couple with the old tapes and residue of my past that still haunt around me in me and through me.
Distorts my reality and can be hard not to listen too. I get frustrated and confused by it and feel very damaged and little.
It is a battle and i show up because healing happens within this. And so it can suck and boy yes can it all really suck. Pain. Old messages. The all of it can get overwhelming.
Then not knowing the what each day. I was so exciting to be in the studio again. Got a few hours last week and then crashed. I spent days in bed exhausted and in pain.
This week is treatment week with steroids. I was thankful because the steroids help.
The cycle never ends. It can be o overwhelming . And again my mind says buck up young lady. No crying no voicing. Your not in pain. You dont know pain. And i get confused? I tell myself im not in pain until i push it away enough to say okay yes its not pain. I can do this.
The mind is a funny place.
Again there is healing in waging the battle and gently quieting those voices helping them sleep giving them rest telling them i will take care of them. They don’t need to do their job anymore like this. Give them rest because they have never had it.
Peace
Paint much love always,
Connie Karleta Sales
a.k.a. This Crooked Little Flower